The banker is my Lord, he giveth me credit, my score is good and obtained at a high rate of interest.

He maketh me to market third rate goods and profit from superfluous abundance.

 He giveth me the keys to a heavily mortgaged home. He restoreth my faith in all things capitalistic.

He guideth me in the paths of tax deductions, capital gains, and greed for economics’ sake. Yes though I walk through the very shadow of bankruptcy I shall fear no evil for thou art laden with liquid assets. Thy oil, gold, and silver prices fluctuate and my security is a Swiss bank account. Thou preparest a way for me to avoid substantial early withdrawal penalties. Thou fillest my portfolio with pork bellies. My hatred of tax rate hikes is boundless. Surely goodness and plenty of sure fire tax shelters shall be mine to hide behind all the days of my life. And I shall do business in this same manner forever.

Amen.